Mountain View, CA — Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark
infringement against the island of Java* over the use of Sun’s
Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for
centuries, Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said “Yeah, and in all that time
they never filed for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name.”
Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change
its name. They originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but
an angry telegram from Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise.
The country finally settled on a symbol for a name — a neatly-colored
coffee cup which still evokes the idea of java. Since most newspapers
and magazines will not be able to print the name of the island, it
will hereafter be referred to in print as “The Island Formerly Known
The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass
island, but so far has only been implemented in production on the
Malay Archipelago. Africa is been rumored to have implemented it
on Madagascar, but it is still in alpha testing.
Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge
fiery ball at the center of the solar system. They have some legal
papers for them…
*Java is a Trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Anyone caught using the
trademark without permission will be beaten, flogged, sued, and forced
to use Microsoft products.